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Lakers fans see supremely talented newcomer Luka Doncic making breathtaking no-look passes. They see him swishing shots from astonishing distance. They see him rebounding with the frequency and ferocity of a 7-foot center. They see him meshing with LeBron James as if they’d played together for years.
They conjure visions of an NBA championship — this season.
What fans hear, however, is that Doncic’s previous employer — the Dallas Mavericks — considered him fat. And lazy.
A fat, lazy beer drinker.
A fat, lazy, beer-drinking hookah smoker.
What’s next, Doncic was a fat, lazy, beer-drinking, hookah smoker feasting on a 77-ounce New York strip steak with a side of the Slovenian specialty of sliced potatoes layered with cheese and heavy cream?
Luka Doncic and LeBron James are playing inspired basketball, setting up the Lakers for success and paving the way for a championship run.
(OK, he did inspire a 77-ounce New York strip steak called “The Luka” at Nick and Sam’s Steakhouse in Dallas. And Doncic has professed his love of his grandmother’s potato moussaka.)
The Mavericks might be motivated to smear Doncic because the trade — with Lakers center Anthony Davis the primary piece moving to Dallas — has been roundly panned. And seriously, many, many professional athletes drink and occasionally partake of tobacco.
Dallas seemed especially heavy-handed about it. There was the odd episode last season of Mavericks executive Michael Finley taking a beer from Doncic’s hand after the guard had just led the Mavericks to the NBA Finals by scoring 36 points. Was Finley worried Doncic might be hungover when the Mavericks opened the finals against the Boston Celtics seven days later?
Doncic seemed stunned when Finley grabbed the can, refraining from parroting the description of the only official NBA-approved beer that Billy Bob Thornton’s Tommy Norris character told a bartender in “Landman.”
“It’s Michelob Ultra. There’s more alcohol in orange juice,” Norris said. The bartender reminds him that drinking is drinking, and Norris replies, “I’ll tell you what, bud. You watch me drink six of these sons of b—es and I’ll come back in here tomorrow and drink six whiskeys and you tell me if you notice the f—ing difference.”
Instead, Doncic, who turns 26 on Friday, hasn’t said anything publicly about the whispers out of Dallas, some of which forecast an apocalyptic expiry. Reputable NBA writer Sam Amick of the Athletic wrote that “people who witnessed Doncic’s last days in Dallas ... predict his basketball demise, highlighting a health history that, as some see it, will likely lead to catastrophe in the next five years or so.”
Lakers legend Magic Johnson is thrilled about L.A.’s acquisition of Luka Doncic but says the ex-Maverick can learn from LeBron James the importance of conditioning.
Amick also mentioned the beer and hookah hoo-ha, which triggered a flood of headlines. A hookah, of course, is a water pipe for smoking tobacco that in addition to addictive nicotine can include exposure to tar, carbon monoxide, heavy metals and carcinogens.
None of that sat well with Mavericks general manager Nico Harrison, a no-nonsense former Nike executive who makes no secret of his focus on nutrition and healthy living. Doncic’s alleged off-court behavior was off-putting to Harrison, who became increasingly uncomfortable with the prospect of paying the superstar a five-year, $345-million max contract this summer.
Uncomfortable enough to convince new Mavericks owners Patrick Dumont and Miriam Adelson that the prudent move was to trade him.
Doncic expressed shock at the trade and might well be thinking hard about lightening up rather than lighting up. The dangers of tobacco and excessive drinking are well established.
Undoubtedly, folks will be looking for signs. Moments after a win in 2022, an interviewer informed Doncic that he’d become the first player to record a 60-point, 20-rebound triple-double. Doncic laughed and said, “I need a recovery beer.”
Anthony Davis spoke with The Times about the disbelief he felt over being traded to the Dallas Mavericks for Luka Doncic this month.
That admission prompted at least one reporter to chronicle what he consumed when he retired to the locker room, a “60 burger with some water, a protein shake, a beer.”
Was the news the beer or associating his 60-point performance with his burger? Lakers fans likely would take the points and allow him a beer.
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