Photos: UN-Sexiest Men Alive

Never trust a man who fake weeps (Michael Loccisano/Getty)

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March 20, 2014 4:22 PM PT

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Bradley Cooper may have topped Ryan Gosling as People’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” but who can claim the title of “Least Sexy Man Alive?” Some potential candidates:

Each day Charlie Sheen is one step closer to transforming into a cigarette

Each day Charlie Sheen is one step closer to transforming into a cigarette (Chelsea Lauren/WireImage)

Too fat to fly

Too fat to fly (Wendell Teodoro/WireImage)

Football coach with a foot fetish

Football coach with a foot fetish (Al Pereira/Getty)

Forget Obama's birth certificate, try proving that's human hair on your head

Forget Obama’s birth certificate, try proving that’s human hair on your head (Matthew Cavanaugh/Getty)

He hopes they serve beer in Hell, let's hope they don't publish Tucker Max in Heaven

He hopes they serve beer in Hell, let’s hope they don’t publish Tucker Max in Heaven (Toby Canham/Getty)

Abs: incredible, Ed Hardy wardrobe: incredibly horrid

Abs: incredible, Ed Hardy wardrobe: incredibly horrid (Steve Granitz/WireImage)

Pure evil

Pure evil (Mark Wilson/Getty)

"Win Win" as an actor, "Lose Lose" as a looker

“Win Win” as an actor, “Lose Lose” as a looker (Jason Merritt/Getty)

Cocktail hour was never meant to include Propofol

Cocktail hour was never meant to include Propofol (Kevork Djansezian/Getty)

Leaves the most romantic voicemails

Leaves the most romantic voicemails (Jordan Strauss/WireImage)

His torso continues to age while his legs remain silky smooth

His torso continues to age while his legs remain silky smooth (Ray Tamarra/Getty)

The Rolling Stones are starting to resemble the undead

The Rolling Stones are starting to resemble the undead (Eugene Gologursky/WireImage)

Tiger Woods

Now reinterpreting Tiger’s meaning of “playing the back 9” (Ryan Pierse/Getty)

Perez Hilton

Only discernible skill is scribbling on photos of celebrities (Jordan Strauss/WireImage)

Consider his waistline under siege

Consider his waistline under siege (Jeffrey Ufberg/WireImage)

His hair must be resistant to wind, fire and nuclear weapons

His hair must be resistant to wind, fire and nuclear weapons (Alexander Tamargo/Getty)

Cheated on America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock with America's nightmare Michelle McGee

Cheated on America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock with America’s nightmare Michelle McGee (Bryan Bedder/Getty)

Played a child molester in "Con-Air," convincingly

Played a child molester in “Con-Air,” convincingly (Jim Spellman/WireImage)

Seems a little too comfortable in Madea's skin

Seems a little too comfortable in Madea’s skin (Kevin Winter/Getty)

Nothing worse than being talked down to by a self-righteous bald man

Nothing worse than being talked down to by a self-righteous bald man (John Shearer/Getty)

Shouldn't be on the list, according to the pathological liar

Shouldn’t be on the list, according to the pathological liar (Frazer Harrison/Getty)

Avoid his list of people that tickle his fancy

Avoid his list of people that tickle his fancy (Chip Somodevilla/Getty)

Puts his law degree to good use... stalking celebrities

Puts his law degree to good use... stalking celebrities (John M. Heller/Getty)

It's not only his opinions that are ugly

It’s not only his opinions that are ugly (John Parra/WireImage)

It's been all downhill since his 2004 vice president campaign

It’s been all downhill since his 2004 vice president campaign (Ethan Miller/Getty)

His hairdo doesn't even top his list of unsexy factors

His hairdo doesn’t even top his list of unsexy factors (Chris McGrath/Getty)

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