You don’t have to leave your room
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Academics
Register online, buy your books on Amazon.com, pull your syllabus off the course’s website and do your research on the library’s computer.
Friends and lovers
If you go to the student lounge, they would know how long it’s been since you showered. Assuming you would find any they there. Find them on Facebook, Friendster or AOL Instant Messenger.
Food
Delivered from anywhere else tastes better than cafeteria slop.
Games
You could toss the pigskin around, except you’ve got the arms of a powder puff. But you’re the Tom Brady of the Xbox paddle in Madden 2006.
Music
Satisfy your dark longings from iTunes online or, uh, not buying it with a file-sharing program such as Kazaa.
Politics
Teach-ins and demonstrations? How ‘70s. Nobody ever got billy-clubbed for blogging.
Sex and drugs
Only if you’ve got enough dough.
