LAUGH LINES

Acting Up: “Rudy Giuliani announced recently that he and his wife, Donna Hanover, are separating. The two had been growing apart. She wanted to act . . . and he wanted to act like Bill Clinton.” (Daily Scoop)

Feelin’ Lucky: “Free Viagra is now being distributed in Ireland. . . . Well, that beats the hell out of Lucky Charms!” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Presidential Plans: “President Clinton told the London Times he may teach in Great Britain after [he leaves] office. It’s just as well. If Hillary becomes the U.S. senator from New York, this country won’t be big enough for the two of them.” (Argus Hamilton)

Rocky Returns: Actor Sylvester Stallone, 53, “says he has written the script for ‘Rocky VI.’ In one scene, they ask Rocky what he wears under his boxing shorts, and he says: ‘Depends.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

A Few Hang-Ups: “A new study by scientists in Russia has found that using cell phones can decrease your testosterone levels. If you call a phone sex line, by the time you get through, you’re not in the mood anymore!” (Jay Leno)

20 Questions: “ . . . This very pretty lady with a clipboard shows up at my front door. She starts asking me a bunch of questions: ‘How old are you? What do you do for a living? How much money do [you] make?’ I said, ‘Are you from the Census?’ She said, ‘No, I’m Darva Conger.’ ” (Craig Kilborn)

On the Campaign Trail: “Rudy Giuliani announced that he was not going to run for Senate. . . . Hillary unveiled her new campaign slogan: ‘One Cheating Husband Down, One to Go.’ ” (Leno)

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