LAUGH LINES

Street Sightings: “Outside the Staples Center following the Lakers’ victory, the streets were filled with . . . policemen, construction workers and individuals from every walk of life. [It] looked like a Village People revival.” (Jerry Perisho)

The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs Your Kids Hate You

* Each year, they give a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug to the mailman.

* They keep leaving phone numbers of divorce lawyers in Mom’s purse.

* When they need batteries, they always seem to take the ones from the smoke detector over your bed.

* Instead of watching Daddy’s late-night talk show, they watch that hump, Jay Leno.

* Your oldest boy has a bumper sticker: “I’d rather be at my father’s funeral.”

* Always asking their mother, “He’s really the best you could do?”

* When other kids say, “My dad can beat up your dad,” they reply, “How much would that cost?”

* They hold a tribal council and vote you out of the family.

* Their three goldfish are named “We,” “Hate” and “Dad.”

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