So Long, Bubba, and Hello, Bubbeleh

As a New Yorker, I am always struck by an awesome sense of history when I come to Los Angeles. Last night, I attended a party for a prominent Democrat in a private home that was first owned by Myrna Loy, then briefly by Charlie Chaplin, then, successively, by Ingrid Bergman, Alfred Hitchcock, Cary Grant and, most recently, by the drummer from Foghat.

Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman makes history tonight when he accepts the Democratic nomination for vice president. Some people were surprised Al Gore chose him. Not me. The most important rule of picking a running mate is “first, do no harm.” It’s not much of a leap to, “I know. I’ll pick the Jew.”

Lieberman, I am not the first to say, is a great choice--serious, articulate, experienced, a model of integrity. Like Dick Cheney, whatever you may think of either man’s politics, Lieberman could step into the Oval Office at a moment’s notice. In fact, as an American, I find it very reassuring that three of the four men on the two major party tickets would be ready to be president on Day One.

Some people have been giving me credit for the Lieberman selection. This is ridiculous. It is true that in my 1999 best seller, “Why Not Me? The Inside Story of the Making and Unmaking of the Franken Presidency,” I chose Lieberman as my running mate. But my rationale was very different from Gore’s. I chose Joe because I thought we made a balanced ticket--I’m a reform Jew, he’s Orthodox.

Lieberman read “Why Not Me?” and responded by coming up with a couple of bumper stickers for our all-Jewish ticket: “Franken/Lieberman--Bull, No Pork”; and one to appeal directly to the angry white male voter, “Lox and Load.” Joe is not the moralistic scold that some people assume he is just because he hangs out with William Bennett.

Though, I admit, sometimes the two of them overdo it. For example, Joe has cited a statistic, which, at first blush, sounds disturbing: “By the time a child is 18 in this country, he’ll have seen over 26,000 murders on television.” Well, if you do the math, that’s only four a day. So I’m not sure what Lieberman and Bennett are bitching about.

Hollywood should embrace Lieberman, especially for his strong environmental record. Together, a Vice President Lieberman and the Hollywood celebrities feting the Democrats this week can have a huge impact on the environment. While Hollywood celebrities comprise only 0.00000001% of the world’s population, they consume over 37% of its resources. For example, every day 17 million acres of rain forest are consumed by Barbra Streisand alone.

Some people are saying that Gore picked Lieberman to distance himself from the Lewinsky scandal, based on the misconception that Lieberman was the first Democrat to criticize the president for his personal behavior. I discussed this months ago with the first lady, and, not to betray a confidence, I can tell you that Lieberman was not the first Democrat to lambaste the president.

Some liberal friends of mine expressed concern when Lieberman invoked God in his speech in Nashville. What’s the difference, they ask, between Lieberman talking about God and Pat Robertson talking about God? Well, here’s a difference: When Joe Lieberman talks about God, he is talking about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I think there’s very little chance that a President Lieberman would try to impose Judaism on America. Gov. George W. Bush may have designated a Jesus Day in Texas. I doubt there will be a Moses Day in any state any time soon.

Most Jews I know are excited. Frankly, we thought this day might never come. Personally I had been extremely pessimistic. Given the whole Colin Powell phenomenon, I had assumed that the first Jew on a national ticket would have to be a four-star general. I did some research, and it turns out that currently the highest ranking Jew in the military is the comptroller of the Coast Guard. So things were not looking good on that score.

Some Jews I know are worried. They think this could somehow be bad for the Jews. These are nervous Jews. They don’t like Gentiles asking too many questions about our religion. For instance: Can Lieberman fulfill his duties if there’s a crisis on the Sabbath? Here’s a good answer: Ever hear of the Yom Kippur War? When it’s necessary, Jews can stop praying and kick butt.

Another worry is that if Gore loses, Lieberman will be blamed and no one will ever pick a Jew again. They point to Geraldine Ferraro. But Ferraro was chosen because she is a woman. Joe Lieberman was chosen because he’s Joe Lieberman. That’s why he’s making history tonight. And why, I believe, he’ll make history again next January.