LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Steve Forbes raised another million while on a swing through Arkansas. “Actually he just went to his ATM machine.” (Jay Leno)

Pondering the Campaign Trail: Warren Beatty told a newspaper he was interested in running for president. “It only makes sense--going from a president who thinks he’s Warren Beatty to Warren Beatty thinking he’s president.” Michael Feldman)

President Beatty?: “I thought you couldn’t be elected if you’ve committed a serious offense, and ‘Ishtar’ was pretty seriously offensive.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Campaign Strategy: The GOP says it will attempt to raise $1 million each from 1,000 donors. “And then take the country private.” (Feldman)

Medical News: British doctors say that despite warnings, hundreds of citizens stared into the sun during the solar eclipse and now have eye problems. “That’s a tough way to go through life--blind with bad teeth.” (Leno)

Business Beat: McDonald’s is introducing robotic machines to take orders. “In fact, there’s talk of changing the name to McGore’s.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

So Long and Thanks for the Fish: In England, the world’s oldest goldfish died at age 43. “Lovely, lovely service. Open toilet, I believe.” (Steve Voldseth)

We Couldn’t Resist: Songwriter Jimmy Webb celebrated his 53rd birthday. “But his party was ruined when someone left the cake out in the rain.” (Gary Easley)

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