CHRIS DUFRESNE’S TOP 25

1. Ohio State (3-0): Katzenmoyer expected to complete book report on Dr. Seuss in time for Penn State game.

2. Nebraska (3-0): Tom Osborne returns to avenge 1991 home loss to Washington?

3. UCLA (2-0): Joe Theismann suggests Cade change pronunciation of last name to McHeisman.

4. Tennessee (2-0): It might have been five consecutive wins over Florida had Manning gone to Ole Miss.

5. Louisiana State (2-0): Educational note required to retain FCC poll license: Baton Rouge means “red stick” in French.

6. Florida (2-1): You can’t spell “fumble” without the “U” or the “F.”

7. Washington (2-0): (Toure) Butler did it alone against BYU; he’ll need to hire help for Nebraska.

8. Florida State (2-1): Trojans, try the pregame Tallahassee catfish Parmesan. It’s to die for.

9. Penn State (3-0): Last week’s nail-biter was sort of the Pitts for Nittany Lions.

10. Kansas State (3-0): Schools with tougher Sagarin schedule ratings: Delaware, McNeese State, New Hampshire, VMI.

11. Syracuse (2-1): McNabb, McNown, McNabb, McNown. Like home run chase, this Heisman race could go down to McWire.

12. Colorado (3-0): Neuheisel six wins from getting his “Boy Genius” beanie back.

13. Texas A&M; (1-2): Rankman forced to forfeit frequent flyer miles for use of ineligible trumpet player in poll (see 25a).

14. Virginia (3-0): Overrated, for sure, but looking at 5-0 with Duke on deck and San Jose State in the hole.

15. West Virginia (1-1): Dear Web-pal Amos: 212 yards through two games does not a Heisman candidate make.

16. Wisconsin (3-0): Northwestern hoping Ron Dayne and Aaron Gibson can’t make weight for Saturday’s wrestling match.

17. Georgia (3-0): Best ensemble to come out of Athens since R.E.M.

18. Arizona (3-0): Sorry, no comment. Fell asleep on couch during Thursday night ESPN game vs. San Diego State.

19. Oregon (3-0): Oregon Trail? Not this year. Ducks have wiped out three opponents by sum of 139-43.

20. USC (3-0): USC to FSU: “You got a guy on a white horse? Hey, we got a guy on a white horse!”

21. Virginia Tech (3-0): Hokies finally pay poll tax, welcomed to top 25 with open checkbook.

22. Notre Dame (1-1): House Judiciary Committee orders Joe Moore trial transcript to be released on Internet.

23. Alabama (2-0): Rankman thinks ‘Tide goes tsunami against Arkansas.

24. Air Force (3-0): Falcons’ option against Colorado State tighter than a Blue Angels’ flyover.

25. Kentucky (3-0): Tennessee-born Spurrier tried to recruit Kentucky QB Couch; reportedly stymied by language barrier.

25 (a). Prairie View Band: Halftime scrape with Southern U. horn blowers raises question: Why not put helmets on these guys?