Jury Dooty, Daybydy

Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV*

MONDAE: NOEWAY WILLI EVR BBE

!CHOZEN2 SITON DIS JURHEE!

LAWYERS WANT EZ2 MNIPUL8 ZOMBOID

PEEPLE, NOTMEEE. IM2 BRAINEE.

*

2SDAE: SWORN INNNN.

*

WENZDAY: ZE PLAINTF CLAIMS DATZ

FONE KOMPENI DDID (ONPRPS) DSTROY HIZZ BIZNIS: AYOUNG BUT GROWING

DIALA STRIPPR OUTFITT. B4 ZAT HE

UZED 2TEEECH WELDING ATTA

COMUNTY KOLLEGE. HEWILL

ASKFOR AMILYN PLUS. YOWEEE!

*

THURS: ISEE DUH PLNTIF ATTRNY

DEKDOUT INNN UMUNGUS GOLDN

CHAINES; IWATCH HIM SMIRK ALLZTYM.

*

EECHDAY DAJUDG WARNS US AGAINST

FORMING AN OPINION B4THEEND OF

THECASE. OOBOI, DATIS VRYHARD.

*

FRIDAI: ZWIFE OFD 4MR WELDIN

NSTRKTR DUZ TAKE DA STAND.

NICELDY. “IMUPSET,’ SHESEZ. “IBLEV

SUMONE OVADER DIDDID INTEND 4US2

GOUNDR. WENEVER IDID ASK4HLP, ZEE

HARTLES BIGBIZZ DYD IGNORME.’

*

ICANRL8! MAYBEE THEY DO HAVEA KASE

IPROMIS TU KEEP ANNNN OPNMYND.

*

WEEK TTWO, MONDAY: THE DEFENZ

ATTY DUZ KROSS EXAMIN THEWIFE.

SHEGOZ ON LYKE PRYMASN:

“UND ISNTIT TROO, MRS. HOOZIT,

YOUUU USED2 WERK ASA

HOOKER IN NUJOIZY?’

*

DIDI HEAR RYT? AA CORPR8 LAWYAH

ACCUSED SOM1 UV BEING

AAAA HOOKR?

*

TOOZDAY: DAJUDGE IZ AGROUCH,

EACHE ATTRNEY IS EGOTRPN, EVERY

WITNESS AMUTANT. IVHADIT!

THURSDY: PHYNELY, OURRR VERDICT:

SOOO UARE AAA NISPRSN. ANDYES, DAA

PHONECO CANACT NDIFRNT, EVEN

CLDHRTD. STILLL, UGOTTA PAYE

YUR BILLLS. NO MONY4U! NEXKASE?

* For translation of PL8SPK, please see page 30

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

(Page 30 translation of PL8SPK)

Jury Duty, Day By Day

Monday: No way will I ever be chosen to sit on this jury! Lawyers want easy-to-manipulate zomboid people, not me. I’m too brainy.

Tuesday: Sworn in.

Wednesday: The plaintiff claims that the phone company did (on purpose) destroy his business: a young but growing dial-a-stripper outfit. Before that he used to teach welding at a community college. He will ask for a million plus. Yowee!

Thursday: I see the plaintiff attorney decked out in humongous golden chains; I watch him smirk all the time. Each day the judge warns us against forming an opinion before the end of the case. Oh boy, that is very hard.

Friday: The wife of the former welding instructor does take the stand. Nice lady. “I’m upset,’ she says. “I believe someone over there did intend for us to go under. Whenever I did ask for help, the heartless big business did ignore me.’ I can relate! Maybe they do have a case. I promise to keep an open mind.

Week Two, Monday: The defense attorney does cross-examine the wife. She goes on like Perry Mason: “And isn’t it true, Mrs. Whozit, you used to work as a hooker in New Jersey?’ Did I hear right? A corporate lawyer accused someone of being a hooker?

Tuesday: The judge is a grouch, each attorney is ego tripping, every witness a mutant. I’ve had it.

Thursday: Finally, our verdict: So you are a nice person. And, yes, the phone company can act indifferent, even coldhearted. Still, you gotta pay your bills. No money for you. Next case!