The First Mafia Greeting Card?

Conceptual Thinking Inc. of Burbank has issued an offbeat line of business greeting cards, including one that shows a graveyard scene alongside the words: “Someday we will both be dead.”

Inside, there is a space to tuck one’s business card, below the words: “Let’s do some business before it’s too late.”

SPEAKING OF EERIE ADVICE: Marci Shulman noticed that the program for a Westside middle school’s production urged theater-goers to patronize its sponsors “when you can” (see accompanying). In the case of the top sponsor, you can take your time.

ROOT, ROOT, ROOT FOR THE VISITING TEAM--QUIETLY: The State Department is warning Americans planning to visit El Salvador that that country will be the site of a soccer match against the United States on June 29. Tourists are reminded that soccer matches often engender “violent or disruptive behavior by supporters” and that “the use of alcohol” adds to the “uncertainty at such events.”

Just like Raiders games used to be at the Coliseum.

CAL STATE NOTABLE: In a recent episode, TV character Murphy Brown, angered that she has to wait to meet the president, growls that she is going to do an expose about “WaitingRoomgate.” Passing two young men in African robes in the White House, Brown adds, “Ahh, you don’t even understand what I’m saying.”

One of the young men responds: “Actually we do. I went to Harvard.”

The second young man: “Cal State Northridge.”

THAT TAKES THE DEEP-FRIED CAKE: The MTV Movie Awards show, a take-off on the Oscars, doled out gilded popcorn-bag trophies for several offbeat categories the other night, including one for “Best Kiss.” That segment was preceded by a Cupid’s arrow flying through the hole of Randy’s Donuts on Manchester Avenue, the big O that is visible from the San Diego Freeway.

AH, THE SIGALERTS OF SUMMER: Traffic came to a halt on the Long Beach Freeway on Tuesday when a car towing a boat stalled.

IS IT AT LEAST MESQUITE-GRILLED? Stephen Holzberg of Culver City came upon a restaurant’s sign that contained a rather rubbery item (see photo).

IT’S A DOG’S LIFE: Phyllis Waggner of West Hollywood read that owners entering their pooches in Pacific Palisades’ July 4 parade are advised: “Please bring water, and perhaps consider having your dog wear baby socks to guard against the pavement heat.”

EX FILES: Cathy Rosenstein, our Beverly Hills Adjacent bureau chief, says she has heard of garage sales, moving sales, fire sales and estate sales. But until she came upon a notice on a light pole in Rancho Park, she had never heard of a “Divorce Estate Sale.”

“There are three things I was wondering,” she added. “Do I need an attorney to negotiate the purchase of something? Do I have to make available visiting rights for anything I buy? And if I show interest in the husband, will the wife charge me more or less?”

We’d sooner attend a Raiders game.

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The National C.B. Handle Registry of Apple Valley reports that it has issued numerous handles with a Southern California spin, including Beach Bum, Barbie Doll, Bosom Baby, Kinky Lady, L.A. Fox, Hollywood Hero, Star Chaser, U-Turn and, of course, Rodney Dangerwheels.

Steve Harvey can be reached by telephone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, L.A., CA, 90053.