Punch Lines

Dodger Green: “A recent survey shows Rupert Murdoch as the wealthiest man in the Los Angeles area,” says Gary Easley. “Just wait until the Dodger players negotiate their contracts.”

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Television as Usual: “Jamie and Paul have their baby on ‘Mad About You.’ We were so excited. Would it be a boy? Would it be a girl? Will it turn up next season as a 5-year-old like on other TV shows?” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

“Roseanne” aired its final episode. “It’s gonna be hard to say goodbye to Roseanne, Dan, D.J., Darlene, Becky . . . the other Becky.” (Daily Scoop)

“A second news anchor resigned at the Chicago TV station where Jerry Springer was briefly hired. Already, the empty news desk is winning praise as an improvement.” (Bob Harris)

“ ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’ has been renewed,” says Alex Kaseberg. “Next year, it will be titled ‘Beverly Hills, 90210--the Golden Years.’ ”

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In the Tabloids: The Globe’s editor said his paper didn’t want to print those photos of Frank Gifford embracing a flight attendant at a hotel, but his hand was forced, says Jay Leno. “And you know how much the Globe hates that kind of racy, salacious material. Normally they’re covering the big economic summit in Iceland.”

* “Bad news for Gifford. I guess Kathie Lee found out there is no Tuesday Night Football.” (Leno)

* “Now we know why those New York hotels are so expensive. You have to factor in the cost of hidden video cameras.” (Russ Myers)

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From the Pentagon: “The real reason the Clinton administration needs to cut the defense budget: Tiger Woods has all the money.” (Stan Kaplan)

* “When is this gonna end?” asks Leno. “Even before the cuts, I hear they have two soldiers sleeping in every bunk now. It’s rough.”

And in other sex scandals, Air Force Lt. Kelly Flinn is asking for an honorable discharge in an attempt to avoid a court-martial on adultery and other charges. “She said, ‘Look, court will take forever and I’ve got a made-for-TV deal I got to get to work on.’ ” (Brian J. Hill)

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Modern Travel: “The landing gear door of a TWA jet fell off in St. Louis, but the rest of the plane landed safely at its destination,” says Bill Williams. “A survey found passengers prefer all of the plane landing in the wrong place than part of the plane landing in the right place.”

Reader Diane Mautner of Woodland Hills says her 4-year-old nephew, Josh, was present when his grandfather, who did income taxes, ushered in an elderly client. “This appointment is very important to me,” the man said. “I even got a haircut.” Josh looked up at the man’s bare head and fringe of white hair:

“They cut too much.”