Declining to Have Children

Denise Castaon’s essay (“I Don’t Want Kids, Period,” May 3) echoed the thoughts of myself and many childless people who constantly dodge the procreational interrogators. I too have had it “explained” to me that I am selfish, not performing my biological duty or missing out on the joys of parenthood.

But even at the ripe old age of 34, I was shocked to learn that a dentist would discount a young woman’s pain and consider it something she “should get used to,” because of the assumption that she will someday be in labor. Maybe on her next visit Ms. Castaon could be rude to the dentist and then not pay her bill. He should get used to it--after all, he’s going to have teenagers someday!

Even with my experiences and those of my non-parenting friends, I still find it incredible some people consider it arrogant of us to make choices that conflict with their views. To add insult to injury, they often feel it is their place to question us about our decisions. Consider the results if the tables were turned and we were the ones doing the probing.

Can you visualize a perfect stranger asking you, “What do you want a baby for?” Can you see yourself feeling obligated to explain such a personal decision? How about a relative thinking it is his business to know how much money you make and whether or not you can afford kids. Or someone asks, “So, did you plan this one or was it another accident?” Or how about, “Don’t you guys ever read the insert on your birth control?”

GRETCHEN KOEHLER

Irvine