Golfer’s Verbal Bogey Is Sad Again and Again

After the news broke about Fuzzy Zoeller’s foot-in-mouth disease last week, my wife asked: “What was Fuzzy thinking?”

Zoeller is the highly popular pro golfer lambasted for TV comments he made about Masters champion Tiger Woods. “That little boy” was one, plus a quip about “fried chicken or collard greens” for Woods at next year’s dinner for past Masters champions.

If you haven’t followed it: Zoeller is white; Woods, who grew up and went to high school in Orange County, is half African American and half Asian. But to most on the PGA tour, he is black.

“You know me, I’m a jokester,” Zoeller said in his own defense. But until he truly understands what he did wrong--despite his apology to Woods, he doesn’t appear to, so far--the jokester is in danger of being the tour’s joke.

The whole brouhaha is shocking and sad. Sad to me because I am a huge Fuzzy Zoeller fan. For several years I lived in Zoeller’s hometown of New Albany, Ind. I played the golf course he grew up on. The day he won the Masters in 1979, I was a guest in his lovely home, as a reporter. My family still laughs about the fact that when Zoeller returned from Georgia the next day, he was interviewed by my wife, also a reporter at the time, and suggested the two of them head out for a beer.

For years, I’ve checked out Zoeller’s golf score in the newspaper before I even ate breakfast.

When I saw an Atlanta Constitution cartoon this week depicting Zoeller standing next to a Ku Klux Klan cross, I felt bad for him. Zoeller is not of that ilk, and he would never deliberately hurt anyone with his remarks. When he made his comments about Tiger Woods, he just thought he was being clever--that his reputation for popularity on the PGA tour was so firmly in place that everybody would know it was only a joke.

Problem is, some jokes just aren’t funny. Zoeller’s was blatantly insensitive.

I’ve thought a great deal about the Zoeller issue, and think I’ve got a handle on where he went wrong: Fuzzy was out playing golf the days he should have been studying American history.

If Zoeller understood anything at all about this country’s past, he’d know “fried chicken and collard greens” are negative stereotypes that would be racially divisive if mentioned in any context. Even worse, they show how out of date Zoeller is. Most people today, even if they wanted to inject some kind of racial humor into a conversation, wouldn’t think of those terms.

But here is what is saddest to me: Woods’ record performance at the Masters (record low score, record victory margin, youngest winner) was so utterly outstanding, how is it that Zoeller’s response to it had to relate to race at all? With so much to talk about in Woods’ golf, why would race even have to be mentioned? Woods is a phenomenon, period.

Not Too Old to Care: Kudos to Myldred Jones, who will be 88 in August and is still going strong with her Casa Youth Shelter for troubled teens in Los Alamitos.

This week the shelter celebrated its 19th “birthday,” as its staff calls it. Executive Director Luciann Maulhardt says Jones, who lives next door, comes in almost daily to talk with the young people or try to help them. “She’s our resident grandma, and a great role model for them,” Maulhardt said.

Jones started the shelter when she was 69 years old. It has 12 beds for boys and girls ages 12-17. The residents are mostly runaways and “throwaways,” youngsters whose parents pretty much just run them off because--for a variety of reasons--they can’t or won’t take care of them. The average stay at Casa is about two weeks.

The best birthday present Jones could receive: Several who were once Casa residents, now grown and successful, came by for the celebration to thank her and the staff.

Gentle Approach to Arrest: I have a long-standing policy if my vehicle is stopped by a police officer: “Sir or Ma’am, whatever it was I did, I did it. And I feel really bad about it.” OK, it doesn’t work every time. But sometimes that helps.

The American Civil Liberties Union this month has put out a new card it recommends you carry in your wallet or purse, in case you are arrested for any reason. The card suggests:

“Be polite and respectful. Never bad-mouth a police officer.” Stay calm. Control both your words and your body language. Don’t argue.

Also: Keep your hands where the officer can see them. “Don’t run. Don’t touch any police officer. Don’t resist even if you believe you are innocent.”

“If you are arrested, don’t make any statements and ask for a lawyer immediately.”

My question is: You need to carry a card around to figure that out?

Model Effort: The models for the Circles of Life fashion show at the Disneyland Hotel’s Marina Ballroom on Sunday have at least one thing in common: All 31 men and women have been diagnosed with cancer. Some are in treatment now, others have been cancer-free for years. The models range in age from 20 to 85. The fashion show is sponsored by St. Joseph Hospital’s Regional Cancer Center.

One of its leading planners is Deborah Johnston of Orange, who has had three members of her family treated for cancer at St. Joseph. She says: “We want the community to know that life doesn’t come to a halt when these tragedies hit. People continue with their lives, even while going through treatment.”

Tickets are $45. Festivities begin with brunch at 10:30 a.m.

Wrap-Up: Tiger Woods shot a record 270 in the Masters last month. Zoeller’s own score was 295; Woods beat him by 25 shots over four days. That Zoeller would submit to a network TV interview at all after that shellacking is the real joke.

Jerry Hicks’ column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Readers may reach Hicks by call-ing the Times Orange County Edition at (714) 966-7823 or by fax to (714) 966-7711, or e-mail [email protected]