The firm: “I know that lawyers are...

The firm: “I know that lawyers are often intimidating,” began the note from Janie Schulman of L.A.

But, she opined, one set of panelists at a Labor and Employment Law Section Retreat “have gone overboard with their firm name.”

It’s Payne & Fears.

*

Maybe Clinton could use a second-grader on his staff: Valerie Williams Zarrillo asked her class of second-graders at John C. Fremont School in Glendale to write essays on the topic, “If I Were President for a Day.”

The students seemed to be up on current events, possibly more so than some of the President’s older advisers.

One student, Dustin Boxer, is obviously a close follower of Bill Clinton. Dustin wrote, in part: “In the afternoon I would eat a cheeseburger.”

Some other examples of political awareness:

* Whitewater influence: “I do taxes and read papers and then I watch the news again to see what happened.” (Emineh Noravian)

* The Reagan influence: “In the afternoon, I do my check signing. I take a nap.” (Jorge Alvarez)

* The Socks influence: “In the evening I would take a shower and I would get my bajamas on and I would get my cat--well, if the President is allowed.” (Michael Johnson)

* The Quayle influence: “In the evening working doing statistics on the computer and typing and doing papers and talking to the Vis President and testing him.” (Corey Golden)

*

Arkansas West?Phyllis Waggner found a classified ad in a Westside newspaper that seems to offer sanctuary to the First Family.

Abe! We’re shocked!We recently published a photo of some Downtown demonstrators standing alongside Abe Lincoln’s statue while brandishing signs that said, “Down with Dirty Movies” and “Hollywood Repent.” It was an inadvertent juxtaposition--the picketers were protesting the nearby Academy Awards, not Honest Abe.

At least, that’s what we wrote.

Imagine our surprise when we received a copy of the cover of Scientific American from Gerry Thompson of Arleta. It showed Honest Abe arm in arm with a grinning Marilyn Monroe. Monroe’s dress is blowing in the wind, allowing her to show a lot of leg (a lot of both legs, actually).

Did the demonstrators know something we didn’t? We’re a little hazy on American history but we don’t remember Monroe being involved with that President.

We felt better when we saw the magazine caption, which said: “Digital forgery can create photographic evidence for events that never happened.”

Even so, we’re happy the magazine didn’t show Abe in his bajamas.

miscelLAny:

The UCLA Sub Team and the HPS “Quicken” of Cal Poly Pomona are among the entries in the West Coast Human-Powered Submarine Invitational, scheduled for March 24-29 in Escondido. Pleasure-boaters need not fear a collision because Escondido is 15 miles inland. The competition will be staged in an area known as the Offshore Model Basin.