Why Get Teed Off at Jordan?

Celebrities once loved to see their names in headlines. Now they dread it. They stand in line at checkout counters and read headlines like: “Dolly Parton Loses 105 Lbs. in Two Weeks!” or “Memphis Grandma Has Elvis Locked in Basement” or “Oprah Winfrey Loses Two Pounds in 105 Weeks!” or “Bruce Willis Throws Punch at Bruce Willis.”

These days, headlines usually give headaches.

In that vein, here is the headline that shook the world of professional basketball last week and created a firestorm of controversy at the NBA finals between the Chicago Bulls and Portland Trail Blazers:

Michael Jordan Plays Golf On Day Off

You read right. With two full days to kill in Oregon between Games 3 and 4 of a championship basketball series inconveniently scheduled to accommodate network television, that naughty rascal Michael Jordan of the Bulls reportedly was spotted playing 36 holes at the Waverly Country Club--18 last Monday, 18 more Tuesday.

Jordan, as though accused of burglarizing national Democratic headquarters at the Watergate office complex, promptly dropped back on defense to deny that he had done anything more than lollygag around the course with assorted playmates and pals, cruising in an electric cart.

Oh, and he also “putted on a couple of greens.”

Presumably Michael got out of the cart for that.

The reason for all the subsequent controversy was that Jordan had ditched Monday’s practice, complaining of a sore heel. Sniggering immediately began along these lines: That Jordan had lied; that playing golf obviously was more important to Jordan than playing basketball with his team; that this was another case of Jordan thinking himself bigger than the Bulls.

Talk about bull.

How much must Michael Jordan do for his team, for his city or for basketball before people are willing to cut him some slack?

Let’s say his foot was sore last Monday. What was Jordan supposed to do--sit around at practice taking notes? Memorize Phil Jackson’s new plays? (Wednesday’s game was Chicago’s 102nd of the season.) Make himself available to be interviewed for the 10,000th time? Soak it in his hotel bathtub, order room service and spend the afternoon watching TBS reruns of “Beverly Hillbillies” and “Sanford and Son?”

He had played a full game Sunday. He had played an overtime game the previous Friday. He has been playing since October and has to go directly from the NBA finals to the Olympics. He is expected to be Chicago’s offensive and defensive leader, be pounded by his opponent and pretty much be a god in hightop sneakers, but heaven forbid he take one June afternoon away from practice.

My only negative comment would be that, considering the foot injury Jordan also suffered during the championship series against the Lakers, hey, Mike, babe:

Maybe it’s the shoes.

Now, then. Let’s say his foot wasn’t sore last Monday. Let’s say Jordan did lie. What exactly would you have the Bulls do? Suspend him? Bench him? (Pretty funny concepts.) Slap him with a fine? Anything less than $100,000 is not going to persuade him never to do it again. Plus, all you do is run the risk of annoying Jordan during the biggest series of the season. Great strategy.

I can hear the rebuttal now, that no player should be bigger than the team, that no team should have double standards.

I’ve got news for you, and you can stick it in your headlines. Any basketball team that cannot permit a double standard for Michael Jordan is a pretty silly basketball team.

Look, Jordan wasn’t threatening to boycott the game (which was two days away, remember). He wasn’t refusing to practice the next day. He wasn’t shirking work for the 100th time this season. The guy wanted one day off to play (or watch) some golf. If he says his foot is sore, does he have to account for his whereabouts? Was he off skiing or bungee-jumping or doing something dangerous?

For a demigod, Jordan gets some bad raps. Much was made over his “insult” of not accompanying teammates to the White House for a ceremony thrown by President Bush. What was forgotten was that this sort of thing could be viewed as a political photo-op and that Jordan has so little free time, he should spend it however he likes.

He doesn’t have to play in the Olympics, you know. He has already played in one.

Then there was the much-misconstrued remark quoted (and later rebutted by Jordan) in the book “The Jordan Rules,” wherein Jordan reportedly said that if he bought a country club, he would post a sign that read: “No Jews Allowed.”

Book quoters conveniently neglect to mention that a Jewish country club near Jordan’s home had recently let it be known that Jordan would not be welcome there as a member if he applied. Jordan’s “response” was said with a smile, as the book clearly states.

Michael Jordan plays golf. Jordan sometimes gambles on golf. Jordan took a day off to play golf. Wow. Stop the presses. Considering the vices certain other celebrities (and non-celebrities) have, forgiving Mike this one is a gimme.